How do you solve a problem like NUFC???

How do you catch a (black) cloud and pin it down? Well, quite!
Don't ask me what is going on at my beloved Newcastle United as I, together with my fellow fans; the players, the media, and indeed the management, have little clue. Personally, in summary, I DON'T think that:
1) Kevin Keegan ever was, or is, the 'Messiah'. He's not a very naughty boy either but he is a good motivator.
2) Dennis Wise is the devil incarnate although the description of him as a poisoned dwarf does appeal. I would love to know though (just love it!) what exactly he does do to warrant a place on our payroll and what exactly his role entails.
3) Mike Ashley is an evil 'cockney'. I think he's a football fan who has arguably bitten off more than he can chew and who has made some rather glaring mistakes in a) not communicating with the fans or his team fully b) not conducting due diligence c) being rather rash and prone to knee - jerk reactions and short term business solutions.
4) The Toon Army en masse hate Mike Ashley and would inflict harm on him or his kids if we were to see him. Yes a lot of people are understandably very annoyed with him and feel that we were misled about the direction and ambitions of the club. See point above about communication. A lot of people also want to see Mike Ashley sell Newcastle Utd because of those very reasons. We also do not understand the management structure but how can we, when no one within management appears to understand it either?
However, we don't all hate 'cockneys', we don't all scrawl on bedsheets, or go to marches or think that we are the 'The special ones' or that Kevin Keegan is the only manager who can manage Newcastle Utd. We do however passionately love our club as it is a very part of our soul and our identity, especially given that we are a one club city.
5) The vast majority of the Toon Army enjoy any of this media attention or repeated guesses and supposition as to what we will do next. Trust me, we don't want your pie in the sky media theories and we (excepting a few with spare bedsheets and aerosols who love to get on TV) are also rather tired of the whole circus, so please, journalists, give it a rest. We won't miss the coverage, honest!

What I DO think is that:
1) Ashley's 'Arsenal Model' in the face of it, made a lot of sense. Long term planning, going for younger, less well known players with talent. Unfortunately the detail of the Ashley model did not reflect the actual Arsenal Model and hence, the mess we're in now.
2) That if you invest large sums of money in anything you really, really must conduct due diligence!
3) That Newcastle can be a great club and that it does have great support.
4) That we need an organised, experienced owner with a long term vision and the courage and the tenacity to see it through.
5) We need a long term manager, someone who will drive and direct the club. I know we all get sick of hearing it but Wenger and Ferguson are the prime examples of success.
6) That a mega bucks buy-out is not necessarily the way to go. I still want to be able to afford to support my team and I'd like to think that the owner kind of understood the Toon Army. They don;t need to be a Geordie, just to understand our passion.
7) I don't want big name signings at the expense of: a) team stability b) ramped up ticket prices c) a 'my bank account is bigger than your bank account' competition d) the development and maintenance of a youth team and structure.
8) That for once, we get an owner who doesn't treat Newcastle Utd as a personal status symbol, plaything, or means to a supposed quick buck. Someone with a bit of professional kudos please, an understanding of the beautiful game and a skill at effectively running an organisation will suffice!

Is all this too much to ask?